Gone

This entry is for Fiction Friday. This Week’s Challenge: What is the first New Year's Resolution your character breaks? How soon? Why?

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She was better off without me. I told her so many times. I was a monster, an utter image of self-destruction, a sight no one should have seen. She tried, many, many times to save me. It was her way of protecting me.

She searched for me sometimes, in the spaces only she thinks I would be. What she didn't know was that I often stayed, hidden behind her, her shadow, I call myself. It was the best way I knew how to live.

She shouldn't have tried to help me, her poor, pathetic baby brother. She was trying her best to stop me from doing another stupid thing. If only she hasn't been there. If only she hasn't found me. If only she wasn't the responsible older sister. If only there was some way to turn back the clock to the last two months of my life.

She should had know better. Or I should have know better. Why was I so easy seduced by a bottle with liquid that can erase myself, my thoughts, my painful mistakes? Why had I made the one and only resolution if I wasn't going to keep it? It was two months ago that I went back to the bottle, to the comfort of numbness and dreams. I stumbled and fell onto myself. In the hours of midnight, I drove the car that shouldn't have been. I stepped on the gas and drove myself and her, into a tree, a harmless tree.

She was gone, in just a moment, a flash of the mind, a split second that cause so much pain for my mother, my father and myself. Forever trapped inside herself, in a body that refused to wake up, a body that ceased to exist in this world. And me? I only lost the one thing that was important to me - my sister, the one and only person who ever believed in me.

She was there all the time even when I screamed at her, even when I hurt her, physically and emotionally. She was there to keep me alive in this weak body that refused to change. Now, there's just me to stop myself from destroying myself.

Here, in this moment, my brain, my body, continued to yearned for that elusive thing that makes me fly high above the clouds, away from the pain, the memory. But I had put a stop to that. For now.