Letter from Isabelle 10

This entry is for Sunday Scribblings: Now & Then. This will be the last part to this story. Thank you for reading.

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Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9

Date: December 31, 2007
Dear L,

All our lives were spent on these trains and yet I never thought we would see each other again here. Just riding trains - not to go anywhere in particular but to just be there, moving along - each stop never a destination but another passing exit. We used to chased each other through the trains, running through each car like animals that have just escaped the zoo and now freed to roam the streets. Sometimes you would make crazy faces at people and freak them out just a little. I would follow but I could never be as daring as you. I could never yell at people for no reason. But you - you were brave and wild - always creating chaos when there were none. I have always admired your adventurous streak. It was always the one trait that I wished I had. Considering everything scares me, I guess you kept me sane and made me brave when I wasn't.

It was just you and me. Our parents couldn't understand. They never had the same bond with their siblings. I guess that's why they chose to keep a certain distance between us and them.

Now riding the train wasn't the same anymore. I couldn't bring myself to run through any trains or jump on the seats or make animal noises. The quiet spaces between the stops weren't as peaceful as it used to be. There were always too much noise. Noise of the outside, noise of the inside. Inside my head images and sounds overfilled every space leaving no room for new thoughts.

Yesterday I was riding the train with Joy sitting next me to my right, my vision suddenly became crystal clear. There she was - Joy - my friend, my neighbor, next to me in her pink outfit reading a romance novel. On her handbag hang a silver cigarette lighter with the "L" initial on a chain. She was an odd image in her pink suit, her legs in black stocking, her hands with their long pink nails, her skin, a dark tan. I can clearly see the faded scar on her left cheek, covered in makeup but still very visible. Her ultra blond wig shinning in the late afternoon sun creating a certain glow around her.

I looked away for a moment to see if anyone else was looking at us. But no one was. The train was half empty filled only with tired people sitting by themselves. I thought it must be my imagination but she was real, sitting next to me reading her novel. Am I dreaming and not know it? Was it my wishful thinking that set up this vision?

I rubbed my eyes to clear them. I can smell the scent of Chanel NO. 5. I touched her arm. Her head lifted up from her novel. Her dark blue eyes covered in pink eye shadow, looked straight at me. I knew then that it was you, L. It was really you! Her lips spread into a smile knowing what I was thinking. I wanted to say something silly, something to justify that moment. We said no words to each other as the train kept moving. But knew it was okay now. We won't have to miss each other now. You placed your hand over mine, its warm touch kept me in that moment.

My eyes searched yours, looking for the person I had grew up with, the person that I have always knew. He was there but now in a different shell. I couldn't get over how you looked. Is this person in front of me really my brother? Had my vision been good, would I have known if it was you? Would I even guess that this could be you? Was it fate that I couldn't see you before but I can because I have finally accepted you the way you are?

All this time and I never even thought you would end up as this new person - Joy - my friend, my neighbor. You told me once but I never actually listen. Now I knew - this was always your intention. This was and is the final you.

"Happiness is but a moment shared with someone you love." That's what you've always said to me and it had always stuck with me. I knew at that moment I was really happy.

I wrote this down so you can understand what that moment meant to me. As you read this, L, please forgive me for not believing in you. As twins, I thought we were never alike but now I knew I was wrong. We were alike, almost like one person separated into two pieces with the same feelings and thoughts that often mirror each other. Sure, there were slight differences but it never occurred to me that you wanted to be like me. I didn't understand then why you wore feminine-like clothes or why you chose to keep your hair long or why you distanced yourself away from me when I got new female friends. Now it's all clear to me.

Whatever had separated us, it didn't matter now. We're together now and we can work things out. Even if Mom and Dad still could not accept the facts.

Now I knew you were always there for me. It was you on that train track and in the ambulance in that pink outfit. It was you that helped me with my laundry and encouraged me to step out of my apartment. It was you that gave me those three gifts. How strange to meet a new person who just happen to be the one you're searching for in the same place that you always knew him to be.

And on a side note, you've managed to set me up with a date for New Year's. The man with the green eyes - I was excited but tried not to show it. I'm still scare to go anywhere but knowing you there when I need you, makes it less terrifying.

Joy, thank you for being you and being my brother or rather sister.

your sister,
Isabelle